Everyone has a different idea about when someone becomes a mother. My aunt insists it’s the moment you become pregnant, but then I know women who are mothers despite never having been pregnant and women who have been pregnant and never became mothers. I was the youngest in my family, didn’t play with baby dolls as a kid, and barely babysat as a teenager (I mean, people trust a teenager with their baby?!). I don’t think I was ever an overt candidate for motherhood, it was just something I always saw as a fuzzy piece of my distant future. But exactly a year ago today, everything in front of me took on new shape and color, new possibilities. My distant future grew very suddenly near.

I stood in the bathroom laughing, squinting, staring with one eye and then the other at a faint, light pink line beside a decidedly more confident line while Cody called from our bedroom, “Are you just standing there staring at it? Don’t just stare at it!” I had never seen a second line before. Surely the folks who made these pee tests would have made a more assured and assuring second line. We went to Planned Parenthood for a no-health-insurance-necessary professional opinion. In the exam room, a kind nurse practitioner watched me light up as she confirmed every hope that barely-there pink line gave me. She and the rest of the staff huddled together in the office window watching and beaming as I walked out to show Cody the printout that proved I was pregnant.

Sure, lots of things change inside you from the moment you become pregnant, but this was when I started to change. This was when I began to feel for someone who was growing inside of me, insulated by my body and health, forming alongside all of my feelings and thoughts. This was when I started talking to her, spending quiet minutes trying to “know” her, eating “pregnancy superfoods” to feed her, and daily dreaming those movie-montage dreams of piggy-back rides and Mickey Mouse pancakes that become nearly unimaginable once the baby is born.

So, happy becoming-a-momiversary to me! I’m so excited and grateful for the opportunity to keep growing with this incredible little girl who brings me my future every day.